my life here right now and the internet are the same....we both sucks!

im not blogging, im doing an every minute/every hour status update. #parang buhay fb lng

I"m missing my only connection to people i rarely talk to, people whom i got reconnected again for the past years, old classmates, old friends, acquiantances, close friends and mostly my family whom i get to talk everyday through that.  Nakakabaliw na nga ang buhay sa disyerto ipagkakait pa sayo ang tanging libangan mo.  I can't stand the fact that no matter how great a love could be, sometimes that love will also be the cause of someone's pain. 

 
the person who gives you unexplained happiness, will always be the reason for your unexplained sadness....
 ##missingmyfb:-((((((

Sometimes it ends in love....sometimes it ends in hurt.....

ang pag-untog ng ulo sa pader ay di ibig sabihin na ito'y gawain ng isang baliw.minsan ito'y paraan ng pagkuha ng lakas at pandagdag buhay:)

--SUPER MARiO 

                   silence cures my heart

Part of one's existence is the inevitable acceptance that pain do exist and it's nobody's control. No matter how we avoid the encounter, we cannot run from reality that in certain points pain is just there, popping uninvitedly.  In however way  can I cope from the stabbing pain, confusion, shame and  fear i really can't answer nor someone can define it to me. I am still learning, discerning which path i will  walk  through and where will I start to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want to be the cause of other's pain nor be the reason for their hatred. I just want things to be balance...no pain, no sorrow, no regrets and anger.

I don't want to think and fear of the possibilities, of chances and of encounters. I don't want to be cursed nor be stepped on when things turned rough and rocky. My fear extends beyond my imaginations. 

Will I ever be in the  sane state in days to come or will I be able to face all that's been boggling my mind lately? I am really into a very untidy, crumpled mindset at the moment and all I wholeheartedly asking is a few distance of silence and understanding. 

I am not in my most sane  well-being right now, i must admit.

sorry

sorry

my heart is hurting, my eyes are red,
i cannot sleep, i cannot eat
until i tell you how sorry i am.
what i did wasn't right
i wish i could take it back
for this pain i can't bear anymore.
no words good enough to say
apologies is all i can convey.
please know that i am sincere

i know that i have hurt you
wish i could take it back
and do it all over again.
those words should not have been spoken
but i realize i was so wrong,
i hurt your feelings so badly.
lets make it right,
make it true.


i fear darkness clouding us both,
but maybe this darkness will show the light,
the path to where we truly belong.
i hate decisions,
but this i must face bravely..

when times were harsh,
and times were rough
i ran and hide.

if only i can rewind time even for just a few hours...

if only i wasn't too impulsive....

if only  i'm brave enough....

if only.....

out of words

We are often mislead by our impulsive burst of emotions not thinking twice nor thrice of the consequences of our actions. And the worst part is not being able to get out of the way without harming and hurting someone's feelings.

 I consider myself the worst of it's kind, someone so undeserving of all the goodness of someone's heart. I am lost in words and thoughts on how to recuperate from my unguarded actions. I got so hooked to the happy feeling, the certainty of ideas that things will work out fine the way I pictured it to be. But days passed and I came into realization that in order for me to fully express my love for others i must "love and "respect" myself, my whole being first. That for now I owe myself some time to regain whatever was lost during my carefree days.

I am so ashamed of my actions, no words to express how bad I am.

I choose

I choose.......

to live by choice, not by chance
to make changes not excuses
to be motivated, not manipulated
to be useful, not used
to excel, not to compete.


I choose self-esteem, not self pity
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
  not the random opinion of others.

Life is by the way I choose it to be and not what people wants it for me.